This past week I was in Ohio seeing one of my best friends. We have known each other since 1996. He is lovely and it was incredible to spend time with him.
But while I was there I got a perspective on my current situation and asked and answered a lot of questions I have been asking myself.
Am I ever going to be ok? Yes, eventually I will be ok. Right now I am not, but I need to be patient with myself.
Am I going to have bad days? Absolutely! If I have a bad day and wish I were dead that is ok. That is what depression does to me.
What am I going to do? I am going to do whatever needs to be done during this time. I really need to take this time and find myself again.
Do I love Andy? Yes I do and I always will. This man is one of my best friends and the father of my children. We were together for 15 years.
Will I ever get through this? Yes, I will. This is another time I really need to be patient with myself and take it one day at a time. I need to remember that grieving is a process that takes time, and I have plenty of time. Just be patient and remember I do have people in my life that love me and are there for me.
Am I always going to be pitiful? No, absolutely not. But I have the right to feel this way and talk about it any time I want or need to.
Are my kids going to be ok? Yes they will, and they need time too. Andy and I are showing them that not everything is perfect and lasts forever. We are showing them a healthy relationship.
Am I always going to miss Andy? Probably so, it just won’t be so painful as time goes on. Time does eventually heal all wounds.
I also want to thank all of my friends and family for your everlasting love and support through this. I love all of you and couldn’t do it without y’all.